When I was young I used to love when missionaries would visit our church. I used to admire their lives and just think how proud God must be of them. I used to think that they had perfect lives because they were truly God's servants. Now here I am a missionary. Who knew...(well, I honestly think my mom knew years ago) I love serving God but I have to say that my life is far from perfect. I make mistakes. Sometimes in the middle of serving God I forget what my purpose is here. I get caught up in the same issues that you do. Relationships, finances, family. They all affect me. They all distract me from time to time.
If I'm being honest I tell you that I am struggling this week. Working with two ministries is challenging to say the least but I love it. Now that Esther's House is in full swing with 9 children and teens things are a bit more challenging for me. Add into the mix a personal crisis and there it is i've lost my focus. As hard as I was trying to keep my head above water, I felt myself sinking fast.
On Thursdays, I go with my Pastor and Mentor to a Bible study. My goal is to reach the youth in this tiny mountain side community that we are working in. So there I was sitting in this cell group, as it is called, struggling to focus on the message that was being shared. My thoughts wondering towards my personal issues. I couldn't focus on the word, I couldn't focus on the worship, I couldn't focus during prayer. As we walked out of the house that we were meeting in I was feeling pretty disappointed in myself that I was unable to let go of my problems even for 2 hours to worship God. I had completely lost focus. As we walked in our group down the steps, down the side of this small hill my Pastor pointed ahead of us. There, down in the valley, I saw my love. The reason why I am here. I saw the lights of San Salvador. It was a beautiful view. Thousands of lights lit up the sky. It was breath taking. I looked at one of the girls that was with me and I said to her, "There is my love. That is why I am here". I thanked God in that moment for the beautiful reminder. I praise Him for being faithful to me even when I fail at being faithful to him.
If I'm being honest I tell you that I am struggling this week. Working with two ministries is challenging to say the least but I love it. Now that Esther's House is in full swing with 9 children and teens things are a bit more challenging for me. Add into the mix a personal crisis and there it is i've lost my focus. As hard as I was trying to keep my head above water, I felt myself sinking fast.
On Thursdays, I go with my Pastor and Mentor to a Bible study. My goal is to reach the youth in this tiny mountain side community that we are working in. So there I was sitting in this cell group, as it is called, struggling to focus on the message that was being shared. My thoughts wondering towards my personal issues. I couldn't focus on the word, I couldn't focus on the worship, I couldn't focus during prayer. As we walked out of the house that we were meeting in I was feeling pretty disappointed in myself that I was unable to let go of my problems even for 2 hours to worship God. I had completely lost focus. As we walked in our group down the steps, down the side of this small hill my Pastor pointed ahead of us. There, down in the valley, I saw my love. The reason why I am here. I saw the lights of San Salvador. It was a beautiful view. Thousands of lights lit up the sky. It was breath taking. I looked at one of the girls that was with me and I said to her, "There is my love. That is why I am here". I thanked God in that moment for the beautiful reminder. I praise Him for being faithful to me even when I fail at being faithful to him.
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