When I was young I used to love when missionaries would visit our church.  I used to admire their lives and just think how proud God must be of them.  I used to think that they had perfect lives because they were truly God's servants.  Now here I am a missionary.  Who knew...(well, I honestly think my mom knew years ago) I love serving God but I have to say that my life is far from perfect.  I make mistakes.  Sometimes in the middle of serving God I forget what my purpose is here.  I get caught up in the same issues that you do.  Relationships, finances, family.  They all affect me.  They all distract me from time to time.  
If I'm being honest I tell you that I am struggling this week.  Working with two ministries is challenging to say the least but I love it.  Now that Esther's House is in full swing with 9 children and teens things are a bit more challenging for me.  Add into the mix a personal crisis and there it is i've lost my focus.  As hard as I was trying to keep my head above water, I felt myself sinking fast.  
On Thursdays, I go with my Pastor and Mentor to a Bible study.  My goal is to reach the youth in this tiny mountain side community that we are working in.  So there I was sitting in this cell group, as it is called, struggling to focus on the message that was being shared.  My thoughts wondering towards my personal issues.  I couldn't focus on the word, I couldn't focus on the worship, I couldn't focus during prayer.  As we walked out of the house that we were meeting in I was feeling pretty disappointed in myself that I was unable to let go of my problems even for 2 hours to worship God.  I had completely lost focus.  As we walked in our group down the steps, down the side of this small hill my Pastor pointed ahead of us.  There, down in the valley, I saw my love.  The reason why I am here.  I saw the lights of San Salvador.  It was a beautiful view. Thousands of lights lit up the sky.  It was breath taking.  I looked at one of the girls that was with me and I said to her, "There is my love.  That is why I am here".  I thanked God in that moment for the beautiful reminder.  I praise Him for being faithful to me even when I fail at being faithful to him.  

Today is David's birthday.  David is a young man that I go to church with and also one of our sponsor kids.  We threw a surprise birthday party for David today.  Me, my Pastor, my worship leader and about 8 of our students from our youth group had a good time celebrating David's birthday.  I'm sure this was the first party he's had and I have to say he may have been a bit overwhelmed.  Before we prayed for him we asked him to share a few words.  He said something that hit my heart very hard and reminded me why God has me here.  He said "I am glad I made it to 19 years"  You see, David lives in an area that is heavily populated by the gangs.  Where very often violence and death surround him.  To us a birthday is a day of fun and presents.  To David it is an opportunity to thank God for His mercy and protection.  A lot of kids in David's area do not make it to their 19 birthdays.  It impressed in my heart how very serious the work is that we do here.  So many days I just go through the day not really thinking about the seriousness of my work.  I just work.  I love what I do and so I breeze through most days.  Today though is different.  While I did enjoy myself immensely today, I was also reminded that what we are doing here is serious business.  It is a matter of life and death in some cases.  I want to wish David a very happy birthday.  I praise God for him, and I know God is going to use him greatly in the years to come.

I work a lot with teens here as part of my job.  I am honored to serve them and generally have a great time with these kids.  Last week I was hosting an event in my home and as I was cleaning up, one of the young men in our sponsor program wandered into my kitchen and started to help me wash the dishes.  I love this kid.  I love to watch him worship God on Sunday mornings.  He inspires me, really.  As I was sharing this with him he began to share his testimony with me.  He shared with me that previous to becoming a Christian he had killed his girl friend.  Wow.  That hit me very hard.  Of course our thoughts normally should go directly to the family of the victim, but my thoughts were on him.  At such a young age and now serving God, having the knowledge of what he did and not being able to fix it must weigh so heavily on his heart.  I found myself encouraging him.  Sharing with him how God used Paul (who killed thousands) for such mighty things.  I do believe that in the same way, God is going to use this young man in mighty ways.  I wonder how others may react to him if they knew the reality of his past.  I just think that this is why I am here.  I am not here to judge, but to encourage.  I work with all kinds of people every day.  I don't know their pasts.  I am sure some have committed even worse acts.  I do know this, I am honored that God has chosen me.  I am honored to have these kids fellowship with me in my home.  I am honored to serve them.  

I always struggle with what to say in my blogs and that's why so often there is a delay in my blogging.  I always want to have exciting and intriguing posts, and when I can't think of anything I get writer's block.  Kathy keeps telling me that I need to "blog, blog, blog" So since I have no wit in me today I thought I would just share two stories with you.  So many times I am amazed at God's miracles like Jesus walking on water, or the parting of the Red Sea.  Miracles seemingly as big as God.  But what about the smaller more personal miracles?  Well, those hit me on an even grander level.  Imagine a God who is in control of even holding the universe in its place caring about something so insignificant as feeding a few people, or providing suit cases for a missionary.  Here are my stories.
Spaghetti- I have to admit with the orphanage opening 6 months early, we were not financially prepared by any means.  It was a huge step of faith for us.  We had one occasion where I only had a box of spaghetti and a few tomatoes in my house.  I had to feed the two girls living in Esther's House and so I thought that would be a perfect meal.  I got a call from a good friend telling me that my pastor and his family had no food and asked would I be able to provide for them.  I heard myself telling my friend to bring them over and that I was making spaghetti.  I began to pray. "God, you know I have no food but I know you can provide for all of us"  I made the box of spaghetti.  The two girls ate, I ate, my pastor, his wife and two children ate and my friend ate.  8 servings of spaghetti.  Some how we had left overs so I put a bowl of spaghetti in the refrigerator thankful that there was enough for at least the girls for lunch the next day.  The next day I left the house to go to a meeting.  Around noon I called my assistant director to make sure he found some food for the girls.  "We all had spaghetti" he told me.  I felt bad knowing that the left over spaghetti divided 3 ways would in no way fill them up but it's all that we had.  I began to pray again and asked God to provide for us.  Later that day I got back to the house and was in my living room.  I smelled spaghetti so I went into the kitchen to see what my friend was up too.  He was heating up the left over spaghetti because he was hungry.  I ended up eating the last portion of spaghetti for dinner that night.  Did you keep count?  Out of one normal size box of spaghetti that would normally feed no more than 5 people we served 13 people.  
Suitcases-Victory Church (my home church in Lancaster, PA) is sending a team of missionaries down to us in September.  Kathy (director of Esther's Heart Ministry) is leading the team and needed new luggage for herself and also extra suitcases to bring down supplies and donations.  We set out early on Saturday morning looking for yard sales hoping to find some suit cases to buy.  We didn't have a newspaper and didn't have a plan as to where were going.  Kathy just said we will drive and "God will lead us to where He knows we need to be"  We went to the first yard sale and right off the bat Kathy spotted a beautiful set of luggage for $35.  Between the two of us we had $32 and we asked the lady if that would be an acceptable offer and she said yes. Kathy paid for the luggage and the owner proceeded to tell us how spacious the luggage was and Kathy explained to her that we needed space because we were taking supplies down to Esther's House.  Immediately the lady handed us our money back.  She thanked us for the work we do and asked if we wanted anything else.  Not wanting to take advantage, Kathy and I told her no, but she insisted that we take several pair of soccer cleats as well as a soccer ball.  People will say that was just luck or good fortune.  I know it was my God, looking out for even the smallest needs that this ministry has.

As a woman, there are fewer greater pleasures in life than buying a new pair of shoes.  The look, the feel even the smell of new shoes....just a great feeling.  How many pairs of shoes do you have in your closet?  I counted mine, I have 17 pairs.  I usually wear the same 3 or 4 pair over and over again.  I have the others just for back up I suppose.  
A very generous person donated money to us so that we could purchase new shoes for some children down here. The children living in Esther's House each received a pair of shoes.  Our sponsored children each received a pair of shoes.  We had enough money to purchase a pair of shoes for my pastor and his wife, and also the worship leader at my church.  I wanted to bless these people because they have come along side of Esther's Heart Ministry in a mighty way to help us serve the children in this community. 
I want to share the with you the joy that I had shopping with my pastor and worship leader.  Two mighty men of God who have a vision for winning Central America to God.  Both men work in full time ministry here and do not receive a salary. We visited 5 stores.  Yes, 5, looking for the perfect shoes for each of them.    I don't know about my pastor, but I know my worship leader had not owned a pair of sneakers in at least 2 years.  Finally, in store number 5, there sat the perfect pair of Ocean Pacifics.  On sale!  Within our budget.  The right size!!  I don't think I've ever been as excited to buy a new pair of shoes as this man was in that moment.
I see the people and children who have their new shoes several times a week.  I see the simple difference having a new pair of shoes makes.  They are standing a bit taller, walking with more confidence.  One person commented that his toes are finally happy!  Thanks Esther's Heart Ministry for making a difference down here!!!

Early Monday morning the phone rang.  7:00 AM.  "Who is calling me this early"? I wondered as I got to the office to answer the phone.  "Good morning."  I answered.  "Hello Beth?  I need help"  The rest of the conversation was how one of our girls had been on the street with her daughter for the past two days and could I help her.  I rinsed my mouth (as it was full of tooth paste) and ran out the door.  Thus begins the story of Esther's House.
The stories that I have been told over the past two days of this young lady's and her daughter's time at the home she had been living in are horrific to say the least.  I am so thankful that God has finally placed them here where they are safe and can experience God's love maybe for the first time in their lives.  
So many times I told you that the house was empty but I could almost hear the laughter of the children running and playing.  Now that laughter is finally here and non-stop, I might add.  The 6 year old loves the baby buggy and races around the house with as many toys piled in as possible.  She prays each day and asks God to bless her with a doll for the buggy.  (How did I get a buggy and no doll?)  Her mother still a little unsure and weary watches closely to make sure her daughter is safe.  We are falling quickly into a routine and I know with time both girls will settle in and feel comfortable.  They will begin to trust again.  Thanks to all who have been praying and please remember while this is a huge victory for us there are still two more girls and their children who are living in the orphanages.  We will continue to fight for them until they are here as well.

As I was driving to the beach on the 4th of July, I was so thankful to have another friend with me that had grown up in the United States.  It made me feel a little less home sick being with someone who understood the importance of that day for me. This is my second year in El Salvador, my second 4th of July.  My thoughts turned to last year and what I did on the 4th of July not having any North American friends here at that time.  I thought for a minute and then remembered that I had taken the girls from one of the orphanages I was working in to the park.  I packed them a picnic and brought some games to play.  I was happy to share with them our traditions.  One year later, 3 of those girls and their children are now being housed in the government orphanage.  We have been fighting for them to receive their Independence from the government so that they can live at Esther's House and begin their lives as young adults.  We are making progress with each of their cases but the progress has been slow as I continue to learn about the child welfare laws here.  I am determined to continue to fight for their independence.  Everyone involved in Esther's Heart ministry is also determined to continue to fight. El Salvador's Independence day is on September 15 and I am hoping that on that day, when we drive to the beach, I will once again be celebrating Independence day with these young ladies and their children.

About 6 years ago I went to court and asked a judge to give me custody of two beautiful young ladies that I had been working with in the group home that I owned.  It was a complicated process, but I went through it because I wanted to have the opportunity to bless these girls.  Little did I know that we would become a family and bond so tightly that years later they still call me mom; their children know me as Mamam.  I am blessed.  
Here I am 6 years later fighting an even harder fight to get custody of 6 other children.  What I went through 6 years ago doesn't come close to the battle I am fighting today, but I suppose in some ways it prepared me for this day.  There are so many ups and downs in this process. So many people involved each with their own opinion as to what is happening.  One day I am told the girls are on their way and the next I am told they will not be coming. It has been an emotional roller coaster for sure.  Some one asked me how do I know that this is what God wants me to be doing?  The truth is I didn't hear the voice of God directing me in this way.  I do believe though that the word of God, the Bible directs us to care for the children, the homeless, the orphans, those who are sick and in prison.  So for this reason I am going to continue to fight for these girls.  I will continue to visit them in the government run orphanage.  I will not rest until I have exhausted every option to get these girls in to our home.  I know God is in control here and He does not need me to do any of this, but I believe He expects me to be a willing tool.  He expects me to be use by Him to bless these young ladies and their children.  Please continue to pray that this process will begin to run smoothly and will come to a quick resolution.  

Since we received word that we would soon be getting children, this house has been a whirlwind of activity.  Initially we were expecting 6 children and now we are expecting 8 so we had to take the largest room which is where the office was and change that into a bedroom that now has 2 bunk beds; ready for two mother's and their children. The smallest bedroom has been finished with a drop ceiling, a wall to cover exposed pipes, paint, and a ceiling fan and will now be our office.  The kitchen has been upgraded with an additional cabinet ready to hold enough food to feed the 8 children and me!  Additional bunk beds, living room furniture, clothes, hygiene supplies, have been donated or purchased.  All of the beds are made waiting to be used.  The house has been inspected by the government.  Staff is in place.  Even as I am writing this my good friend is building a partition so that I can have a private living area while I continue to live in the house with the girls and their children.
Everything here is a processes. Poco a Poco, an expression they use here a lot.  Little by little.  I don't know why God doesn't just bless us with these girls already.  I am learning though it's not for us to know, but for us to trust His timing.  To learn and grow through the process.  To continue to prepare to serve Him and to serves His precious children.  
I want to thank everyone here: Julio, Jorge, Oscar, Edgar, Pastor Noe, Pastor Julio, who have been working so diligently to get this house ready for the girls.  God brought together a perfect team here in El Salvador.  I also want to thank Victory Church, PA, Iglesia La Roca, SS and Alcance Victoria, SS for coming along side of me and helping us to make this dream a reality.

Esther 4:14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will Perish.  And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such  a time as this?  
Many people ask me where did I come up with the name Eshter's House.  If you do not know the story of Esther I challenge you to pick up your Bible and read the book of Esther.  She was an orphaned girl who saved an entire nation.  My favorite statement in this book is "For such a time as this"  
Over the last 3 years I have asked a lot of questions of God.  For example, why did I come here with my first agency but only work with them for not even a year?  I remember one day while teaching English in the government orphanage asking God, "Did I really come here just to teach English?"  There were so many questions.  Now as we are just days from opening Esther's Heart I can see the answers to a lot of my questions.  The children we are getting are coming to us as a result of that first agency closing.  I worked closely with the child welfare department while I was teaching English and they began to trust me.  Because of that relationship they are putting these children with me even before we have our license from the government here.  Yesterday as I talked to one of the girls that would be coming to Esther's House she said she asked God many times "Why does this lady keep coming to talk to me even when she doesn't work here anymore?"  She told me now she knows the reason.  Because God is answering her prayer in giving her a mother and a family.  
I am blessed and honored that God has chosen me to be here.  I know it takes an entire team to make this happen.  Over 200 people right now are involved in this ministry.  I don't know why God has chosen me to be the one who gets to be here and work with these children, but I am honored.