If I'm being honest there are many frustrating moments in the life of this missionary. People tell me all of the time what a great woman of faith I am. The truth is many times my faith seems weak. Last week I had one of those moments. Oscar and I receive our financial support once a month. Our support was extremely low in January. I panicked. I normally don't worry about finances. I know God always provides. However, this past week I panicked. I saw the amount that we received and new that with the bills we have coming due (medical, dental, and immigration) It was no where near enough. It was just enough for food for the month. So, I panicked. I called my mentor and cried. Cries of doubt and frustration. Tears of feeling forgotten and abandoned by so many who used to support me. Basically I had a good old fashioned pity party. That was last week. My moment lasted about 2 hours and then I moved on. I woke up knowing God would provide and didn't give our finances another thought.
Today Oscar and I were driving Faviola to school early in the morning. As we were driving I was looking out of my window and I noticed a woman sitting on the side walk. She was thin. No, she was beyond thin. She was holding a child that looked to be about 3 years old. The child appeared to be asleep in her arms. I believe they had spent the night right there on the side walk. In that moment tears welled up in my eyes and my heart broke. God humbled me. How selfish I had been last week. Crying because we only received a small amount of money. I can only imagine how happy that mother would have been to receive $5.00. While Oscar and I live in a very small, and humble apartment, we have a roof over our heads. We sleep in a comfortable bed. I can only imagine that this woman would have been thrilled to have a blanket and pillow to lay her baby on. While Faviola doesn't have a lot of toys or books in her room, she has toys, books and clothes. Imagine what this little child would do if he had a toy to play with and clean clothes. Yes, I was humbled. I hope I will always remember this day; that moment. I hope that I will never doubt God again. I am here for a purpose. That purpose is to help the needy children here have better lives. As long as I move forward in that direction, I know God's hand is over me and He will always provide for me and my family. Forgive me, God, for thinking of myself before your children. Forgive me for being selfish instead of selfless.